Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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