i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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