I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
