You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
PANTIES FOUND
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