Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
