I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The ass gains better be worth it
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