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you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
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