someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers