Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it