I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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