I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
