Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I just tipped a bartender in xanax.

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  (805): I just tipped a bartender in xanax. http://tfl.nu/pn9d
  Replies (16) Good night (3368) Bad night (646)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame

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  (978): my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame http://tfl.nu/nyuc
  Replies (11) Good night (1017) Bad night (3261)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting

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  (305): best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting http://tfl.nu/0qs3
  Replies (9) Good night (2200) Bad night (626)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.

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  (971): I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it. (971): Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated. http://tfl.nu/1c8f
  Replies (7) Good night (4644) Bad night (666)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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  (614): just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society. http://tfl.nu/uah3
  Replies (31) Good night (1572) Bad night (4111)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

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  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (44) Good night (1377) Bad night (8998)
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  (949): View more from California

  Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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  (949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91
  Replies (15) Good night (2239) Bad night (1461)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes

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  (508): I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes http://tfl.nu/xrcl
  Replies (37) Good night (5868) Bad night (1596)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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  (806): We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers. http://tfl.nu/r7l6
  Replies (16) Good night (2748) Bad night (856)
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  (310): View more from California

  Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face

  (310): View more from California

  On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?

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  (310): Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face (310): On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people? http://tfl.nu/ezwy
  Replies (6) Good night (2128) Bad night (802)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us

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  (702): She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us http://tfl.nu/hsu0
  Replies (6) Good night (1479) Bad night (576)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed

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  (312): There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed http://tfl.nu/ohal
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (812)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...

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  (781): I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded... http://tfl.nu/sk2i
  Replies (3) Good night (388) Bad night (890)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.

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  (819): I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick. http://tfl.nu/kmrv
  Replies (4) Good night (621) Bad night (198)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes

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  (337): If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes http://tfl.nu/zesw
  Replies (5) Good night (374) Bad night (157)

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