Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
seriously i just wanna be friends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.