My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
