You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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