if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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