We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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