Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize