Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
