We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
