Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
