Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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