Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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