Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
