I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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