I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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