My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
