Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did i just pee glitter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
