Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
