last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
