youre lurking in front of me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
