one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
