The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
