the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
