WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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