they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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