i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
