hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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