well you can't waste a boner
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
