I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
