at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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