I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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