My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
