Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In America we eat man semen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
