Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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