he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
