Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
