She went from zero to smokin in five shots
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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