Sry I called you an 8
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
