I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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