He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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