my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
