you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a bag of teeth...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
and you fell through a lawn chair
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
