Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
