Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
