I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
