Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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