Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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