we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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