im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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