the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
