They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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