just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
