Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
