She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
