Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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