What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
