here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
