this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
