Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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