I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
