I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize