i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
