Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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