Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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