i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
