Someone shit on the floor
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
