so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
