I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
