Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize