If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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