she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
