I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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