Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
