I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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